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From the bestselling “immensely gifted” (Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times) author of Her Last Death comes a fearless, compulsively readable, intensely provocative book about female friendships.
THE BEST FRIEND WHO BROKE UP WITH YOU. The older girl at school you worshipped. The friend who betrayed you. The friend you betrayed. Companions in travel, in discovery, in motherhood, in grief; the mentor, the model, the rescuer, the guide, the little sister. These have been the friends in Susanna Sonnenberg’s life, women tender, dominant, and crucial.
Searing and superbly written, Sonnenberg’s She Matters: A Life in Friendships illuminates the friendships that have influenced, nourished, inspired, and haunted her—and sometimes torn her apart. Each has its own lessons that Sonnenberg seeks to understand. Her method is investigative and ruminative; her result, fearlessly observed portraits of friendships that will inspire all readers to consider the complexities of their own relationships. This electric book is testimony to the emotional bonds between women, whether shattered, shaky, or unbreakable.
- Sales Rank: #734554 in Books
- Brand: Scribner Book Company
- Published on: 2013-09-10
- Released on: 2013-09-10
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.37" h x .70" w x 5.50" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
- Scribner Book Company
From Booklist
Sonnenberg follows her harrowing memoir of her dysfunctional mother, Her Last Death (2008), with this equally frank assessment of female friendships. Perhaps because she suffered so much neglect at her mother’s hands, Sonnenberg looked to her female friends to provide recognition and nurturing at each of the key stages in her life. In grade school and college, as a newlywed and then a young mother, and during her parents’ deaths, she avidly sought out sustenance from her friends to carry her through. There are some stunning moments of connection here: one college acquaintance is unafraid of Sonnenberg’s staggering grief after her father’s death and steps in to both mourn with and comfort her during an extremely stressful period. There are also many brutally candid snapshots of female friendships gone awry, as some were put off by Sonnenberg’s voracious need, maintaining that friendship is a two-way street. What comes through clearly, though, are the author’s unwavering search for connection and her fearlessness in exposing both the highs and lows of the process. Women will find plenty to relate to here. --Joanne Wilkinson
Review
“In her stunning second memoir, a collection of linked essays, Sonnenberg finds universal truths in her experiences of female friendship.” (Meredith Maran People (4-star review))
“She Matters is both a remembrance of vital friendships as well as a deeply absorbing portrait of the author herself…There are beautiful moments documented here…but ultimately She Matters is a deeply affecting ode to the ones who got away.” (Mythili Rao The Daily Beast)
“She Matters lingers with you, inviting you to construct a patchwork quilt of your own life and salute the many women who helped you along the way.” (Susan Chira The New York Times Book Review)
“Sonnenberg is a gifted literary stylist with a stunning ability to write sentences that read like beautiful traps…She Matters artfully reveals the depth and gravity of love between women as they make sense of the changing and often treacherous emotional and logistical terrain of their forward-moving lives.” (Emily Rapp The Boston Globe)
“I read She Matters with such a keen sense of recognition, seeing myself (and my own mistakes and victories) repeated in so many forms through the female friendships of her own that Sonnenberg examines so eloquently…Like all of us, I want to do better. I think (hope) this book can help.” (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love and Committed)
“I was dazzled by this wise and intimate memoir about female friendship. Sonnenberg writes incredible sentences: precise, musical, surprising and insightful…Sonnenberg’s engrossing stories of the highs and lows of her various friendships with women, made me feel newly grateful for all the crucial and complex women in my own life…Everyone should read this book.” (Karen Thompson Walker, author of The Age of Miracles)
“Sonnenberg, who’s aware of her passions and ambivalences, and doesn’t hide from them, made me think about what a friendship is, anyway…She’s written something that interests, exhausts, moves, perplexes, impresses and yes, matters.” (Meg Wolitzer NPR’s “All Things Considered”)
“She Matters is a dark and intriguing piece of writing…rewarding…rich…[Sonnenberg’s] honesty has helped and will help me be more honest with myself within (and in regard to) friendships.” (Mary Pols The San Francisco Chronicle)
“Susanna Sonnenberg’s book reminds us how profoundly we’re affected by our friendships….You’ll want to share this with, yes, a friend.” (Parade)
“Sonnenberg is a beautiful writer…In this gallery of friendships, the portrait of each woman is so well drawn we grasp their significance and savor the intimacy.” (Sherryl Connelly New York Daily News)
“[Sonnenberg’s] vivid prose is confessional and precise…Sonnenberg’s intensity might be rough on friendships, but it makes for charged storytelling.” (Jenny Shank The Dallas Morning News)
“These are the stories of real women. Sonnenberg’s hard-core honesty, sharp detail and lovely prose make this a collection worth passing on to a friend.” (Rochelle Olson Minneapolis Star Tribune)
“Susanna Sonnenberg’s She Matters is a cause for celebration…The book’s honesty, eloquence, laugh-out-loud humor, finely wrought prose and magnificent scope will keep readers eagerly turning the pages…For readers who welcome a complex perspective beautifully rendered in writing, this book is not to be missed.” (Kelly Blewett BookPage)
“It is one thing to talk about the value and importance of friendships between women and another thing entirely to offer up one’s own friendships—the successes, the failures, the warmth, and the wrongdoing—by way of example and exploration To do the latter requires guts, candor, and a willingness to expose one’s own weaknesses and mistakes. Sonnenberg rises to the challenge beautifully and with remarkable grace in She Matters.” (Rebecca Joines Schinsky BookRiot)
“Sonnenberg brings her considerable talent, unflinching eye, and electrifying prose to the topic of female friendship.” (BookTrib)
“Rarely does someone write a book about friendship between women that women can relate to the way they can relate to Sonnenberg’s She Matters.” (Moves magazine)
“With heart-rending precision, Sonnenberg offers an eloquent narrative that not only exposes but embraces the fraught nature of women's relationships with each other.” (Kirkus Reviews)
“Sonnenberg’s strikingly honest depictions of tumultuous female alliances and confessions about friendships are both moving and relatable; her depth of reflection and incandescent prose marks this exceptional memoir as a must-read to share among friends.” (Publishers Weekly (starred review))
"With remarkable candor, wit, and wisdom, Susanna Sonnenberg fearlessly examines her female friendships since childhood, brilliantly articulating the ways each sustained, sometimes devastated and ultimately defined her. She Matters: A Life in Friendships is a dazzling, poetic love letter to what women share, an unforgettable memoir you'll immediately want to pass along to friends." (Kate Walbert, author of A Short History of Women)
“She Matters is so finely nuanced, so joyously serious, so wildly playful—to live with it, page by page, is a deep pleasure. Sonnenberg is also so willing to push below the surface of what we call “friendship” (a surface, alas, most of us are willing to exist upon). Near the end, when we encounter the phrase “A perfect thing from dread pain,” we recognize that is what we have in our hands—a perfect thing.” (Nick Flynn, author of The Reenactments)
“Sonnenberg dances close to the fire on every page, unmasking female friendship as a liberating, dangerous and rigorous art. She Matters renders the messy self with gorgeous clarity. It's the truest, most human book I’ve read all year - generous, hilarious, ecstatic and profound.” (Carolyn Cooke, author of Daughters of the Revolution)
About the Author
Susanna Sonnenberg is the author of Her Last Death. She lives in Montana with her family.
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Self indulgent Cry for Help
By L. Leeder
Given the fantastic reviews this book received, I was ultimately disappointed. On the positive end, Sonnenberg has a way with words, and every once in a while she captures a moment or turn of phrase that is memorable. However, the individual stories of each of the failed female friendships are told in a superficial and overly predictable fashion, showcasing a confused sexuality and sense of self. The disjointed presentation creates a confusing timeline, and other than the fact that Sonnenberg cannot understand why each of these relationships stop working, it becomes tedious and depressing. While I admire Sonnenberg for her courage in exposing the more vulnerable aspects of her life, I had a hard time finishing the book, and was left with the hope that if even 50% of the facts of the stories are true, that the author is getting therapy.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Examine women and friendships
By Brenda S.
At times this book was self indulgent and I thought to myself how shallow the relationships seemed. As I read further I discovered her relationships changed, some for the better, some for the worse. My opinion changed and I found many of the friendships very relatable. It made me stop and examine the women in my life and how they ' matter'. Women and friendships are often complicated. The author stripped hers bare so we can see inside a woman's soul during different stages of her life. It's interesting too that her satisfaction and appreciation changes as she matures or has life experiences to measure their significance by.
I would recommend this book to women of all ages who want to explore the importance of our friendships and relationships.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Hm
By Amazon Customer
I've long thought about the nature of women's friendships,and am always seeking new insight that can help me understand my own friendships better, both the failed ones and those that endure. So I was excited when I saw this book advertised in The New Yorker. The book disappointed me though, maybe because the author's own challenges seemed more in the spotlight than the dynamics of her encounters and relationships. Alas, Sonnenberg's oeuvre was a start, but I find myself still waiting for that great book on women's friendships.
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